A selection of Koi related jokes from the BBKS.

.*.*. 1. There were three Japanese Koi breeders, Bu san, Chu san & Fu san, who, because of the economic downturn in Japan, decided to emigrate to the U.S. They started a Koi farm and were very successful and in no time at all were dollar millionaires. In order to try to keep them (and their money) in the U.S. Congress decided to give them American citizenship. The Japanese, to thank them, decided to change their names to more familiar American names, Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck, and Fu decided to return to Japan

.*.*. 2. A young man and his gorgeous wife enter the premises of a well known koi dealer. The dealer is smitten by the woman,so he says to the man . "If you let me have make love to your wife I will give you,free of charge,the finest koi ever to come into this country, and I guarantee that it will take grand champ at the National" . The man is taken aback, but his wife, knowing how much it would mean to him is up for it. So after telling her husband how much she loves him and promising not to enjoy it,he finally agrees .. After two hours of frantic shagging, the koi dealer lies back and says to the girl . "How long has your husband been keeping koi?" . "ten years" said the girl, . "What? .......and he trusts koi dealers ?"

.*.*. 3. Q. What's the difference between a Koi and a Goat? A. One of them mucks about a fountain.

.*.*. 4. A well known koi dealer passed away and was being given a tour of Heaven by St. Peter. First, he was shown rather modest dwellings where Presidents, Kings, Queens, etc. lived in Heaven. Then, when he was taken to his new home he was shocked. - It was a huge beautiful palace. Gobsmacked, he asked St. Peter why he was being given such a fabulous residence, when much more famous and deserving people had only modest homes. St. Peter replied "Oh, we got so many Presidents, Kings and such here they are two a penny, but you are the first and only koi dealer that has ever made it in.

.*.*. 5. One day in heaven, St. Peter, St. Paul and St. John were standing around near the fish pond watching the Koi frolic. "I'm certainly bored," stated St. John. "Me too," St. Paul chimed in. Peter stood and watched the Koi. "I know!" St. Peter began. "Why don't we have a Koi Show?" St. Paul & St. John thought that was a great idea except for one small detail that St. Paul pointed out. "Who are we to compete against, Peter?" St. Paul asked. The trio pondered a moment when St. Peter found the answer. "We call up Satan and invite him to the Koi Show, I mean, we have all of the finest Koi here in heaven, all of the World and National Champions are here. His pond is ridden with the spoiled, difficult, and mean Koi. "We are certain to win at the show!" And so the trio called Satan down in hell and invited him to their Koi Show. Satan laughed and asked why they would want to be humiliated like that, because he would certainly beat them. St. Peter, St. Paul and St. John did not understand. "What do you mean Satan?" St. Peter asked. "We have all of the National and World Champion Koi in our pond here in heaven. How could you possibly beat us?" Satan paused a moment and then laughed. "Have you forgotten so soon gentlemen? I have all the ZNA Judges!"

.*.*. 6. Two Koi in a tank. One said to the other,"Are you sure you can drive this thing".

.*.*. 7. Why Koi dealers close on Mondays? A young Gulf War veteran is dischared on an invalidity pension. During his time serving his country he was hit by schrapnel in the groin and castrated. Seeking employment, he decided to get a job with a Koi Dealer. Whilst searching the Koi Mags for info he notices that the majority of dealers close on a Monday. Whilst discussing the matter with a friend he is told that Monday is the day for general maintenance and deliveries. His friend remarks "I've been told its the busiest day of a dealers week." After applying for several jobs the soldier is invited to an interview. During the interview he is asked about his availabilty, to which he is able to reply "immediately". About halfway through the interview the dealer says "I notice that you are being invalided out of the Army. Is there anything wrong that might impede your fitness for the job?". The soldier explains the rather embarrassing wound. After several more questions and discussions the dealer makes up his mind and offers him the job and they to agree a start date of the following week. As the solider leaves the dealer says, "See you next Tuesday" "Don't you mean Monday?" replies the soldier, "I understand that's one of your busiest days". "Rubbish" replies the dealer. "All we do is stand around scratching our balls. There's no point in you coming in".

.*.*. 8. An NVN Judge went to Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. All the time she kept screaming "Seija uro, Seija uro!!!" which he took to mean 'something pleasurable'... The next day, while golfing with his Japanese counterparts he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress them, he said "Seija uro" in a loud voice and a big grin. The Japanese looked very confused and said "No No, you got right hole".

.*.*. 9. A koi keeper came home from work and was greeted by his wife, dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short velvet ropes. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So, he tied her up, fed his koi and logged on to www.koipin.com.

.*.*. 9. A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "Probably at a Koi show with his mates!!